"…By what stretch of arrogance do you think a life form that looks like you is more important than a life form that doesn’t?”Joel Salatin

Nothing is more beneficial to your wellbeing than to look for and acknowledge those parts of everyday life that you enjoy.

"If you are happy where you are now, why does it matter how painful it was to get there?" -- Abraham

"It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life." -- Bilbo Baggins a.k.a. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien

"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet, and the winds long to play in your hair." -- Kahill Gibran

“And forget not

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Moving On

Recently someone close to me, said "I'm not like her.  I can't just go on with my life."

When I heard that she had said that, I wondered, "Why can't you?  Why do you continue to live in an unhappy situation just because you no longer have your husband?"

When we were told that Ronnie's days here were numbered, I was scared.  I had been married to him for 44 years.  We did most things together.  He took care of all the heavy stuff.  He built things, he fixed things. We made decisions together.  We fought and we played together, and we loved each other through hell and high water, and I assure you, we had both.

He planned for our retirement and although nothing regarding our retirement turned out the way he planned, I'm ok.

I'm fortunate that my daughter, Deidre, lives with me, but I know and she knows that should she decide to move out, I'll be ok. I can handle it.  One way or another, everything works out.

I still think about what used to be, and if I stay there too long, I can feel the fear associated with  negative "what if's" nudging at my peace of mind, so I turn my thoughts toward things I enjoy, people I enjoy, and the sadness goes away.  Jesus said, "Turn the other cheek" and this is what he was talking about.  When what you are looking at or remembering, or considering doing, makes you feel bad in any way, turn away from it.  When you turn away from the problem, you turn in the direction of the solution. Find something else to think about. Jesus knew the power of thought.

Recently, somebody posted the picture at the right. "Don't look back.  You aren't going that way."

I'm not going that way either.  Every thing I want is either ahead or going on right now.

I can't have Ronnie back. I can't have the security of knowing if I want something built, he's here to do it.  If I need to unload a 50 pound bag of bird seed, he'll do it for me.  He's not here to cook my lunch when I'm at work, or snuggle up next to me in bed at night.

If I could change one thing about the past, it would be that he lived the last five months of his life paralyzed and helpless. For a strong man, a capable man, that was devastating.  I wish that hadn't happened to him.

But everything that happens in our lives gives us the opportunity to learn something.  I learned many things while Ronnie was sick, but for me, the "big lesson" in what happened to him is that I want to take care of my own life.  I want to make my own decisions.  I am free to do it my way for the first time in my life.  I won't look back.  The best days of my new life are ahead.

My advice to anyone who finds it difficult to let go of what use to be -- it's not hard, but you have to be determined to be okay with the changes and move on.  Refusing to turn around and head forward is a waste of time.  But -- you can look back as long as you want to.  It's your choice.

Late in the night after we were told that Ronnie had an incurable form of cancer, we were lying in the hospital bed together.  A thunderstorm was raging outside and I had raised the blinds all the way so we could watch. "Don't waste a lot of time being sad about this," he said.  "You've still got a life to live, so get on with it."

I am.

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