"…By what stretch of arrogance do you think a life form that looks like you is more important than a life form that doesn’t?”Joel Salatin


Nothing is more beneficial to your wellbeing than to look for and acknowledge those parts of everyday life that you enjoy.


"If you are happy where you are now, why does it matter how painful it was to get there?" -- Abraham


"It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life." -- Bilbo Baggins a.k.a. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien


"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet, and the winds long to play in your hair." -- Kahill Gibran

“And forget not




Saturday, August 31, 2013

Forgiving

Bruno's Birmingham Rollers

What is forgiveness?  How do you know when you have accomplished it?


The newest information from all the peacemakers of our time, is that forgiving yourself and others for mistakes and wrong doing, is the key to good health, happiness and wellbeing.




When some one breaks our heart, in whatever manner, whether in the traditional sense, as when they take our love and misuse it, or lie to us or steal from us, we are supposed to forgive them -- not for their good, but for our own.

beautiful painting

Nearly every day I read new evidence supporting the fact that holding a grudge, regardless of how justified we are in feeling the way we do, is detrimental to our bodies and our sense of wellbeing, that forgiving ourselves and others is the first step to healing our spirit and our bodies.

I am not arguing with this.  In fact, I know it's true.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because I had a surprise recently.  The (Not so) Handyman knocked on my front door.


For those of you who are new to reading my blog, I hired this young man to fix the rotten floor in my bedroom about five months after my husband passed on. Handyman seemed like a nice young man.  He knew some people I know. A friend of mine knew his mother.  He gave me an estimate that I could live with so I hired him to do the work.



Bruno's Treehouse



Two months later, when I fired him, he had torn up more than he had fixed. The shoddy work he did in the kitchen/dining area (which he was doing because he let spray paint settle on my black and white tile floor then couldn't  get it off) was so bad, it took laying three floors and one full year before it was done right.

To this day, there are several places in my house that remind me of him every time I see them and I go back to those gut wrenching months that  he was working here -- and long after he was gone.

When he tore up my beautiful, welcoming home, my shelter in a storm, my peaceful corner of the world, he broke my heart -- at a time when I was more vulnerable than I had ever been before. He did a major number on my sense of wellbeing, and my ability to trust other people. When I think back over the two years after Ronnie died, the only thing I can remember in full detail is what the (Not So) Handyman did to my house.

So now, here he stands on my front porch.  I'm not thinking about much of anything but "What the hell is he doing here?"

purple clematis 2013
As it turned out, he'd come to see if he'd left some paint sprayer tips at my house -- nearly two years ago. They were his dad's expensive ones and he needs to find them -- now -- two years later?

I was cordial. "I don't know if you left them here or not, " I said.  I did not offer to let him look for them.

I could have said, "I'll give them to you if you'll give me the 400 square feet of underlayment and the 8 boxes of wood flooring that you stole from me," but since I don't have his dad's paint sprayer tips, I didn't. If he did leave them here, I threw them out or gave them to the next guys I hired to clean up his mess.

So back to the subject of forgiveness, how does one go about that?

Obviously, I am not going to forget what he did here.  I would never hire him to do anything for me again, nor would I recommend him to a friend -- or even a stranger.

By now I'm sure some of you are wondering why I think I should forgive him.

Well, because I know that holding onto the anger and resentment toward him is effecting my health.

lovely evening sky 2013
Everything else in my life is going great. I love where I am right now. Financially, I am ok.  I'm not mad at anyone except him.   I'm happy. I enjoy my job and the people I work with.  I have lots of new friends and some old friends. I've finally regained my "writing legs" and the third novel in the Kirkland Family Saga is moving forward again.  Ideas are flowing more smoothly than they have in several years.  My family is loving and supportive of me and each other. Life is good.  Everything is working out for me. All is well --- except that my feet hurt and recently, my knees.

I feel stove up, as the old timers use to say.


I have proven to myself on many occasions that I can improve the way I feel physically by changing the way I think, so when my knees started feeling swollen and stiff, I began a concerted effort to heal them by counting my blessings, paying attention to all the goodness in my life and looking for reasons to smile and laugh  -- and it's working. My knees feel much more normal now than they have in three weeks.

But my feet still hurt.

So I'm trying to figure out how to rid myself of this anger, this ongoing fury, resentment, insult and
S&H Green Stamps
loathing that I feel toward this young man.

I am well aware that time heals all wounds, but it's been nearly two years and if I let myself go there -- as I did above -- the fury is still very much alive and well.

After seeing him standing on my front porch, looking for his dad's tools that he lost two years ago, thinking about all the hell he must have been taking for losing the tools, and how much nerve it took for him to come back to my house and ask me for anything, after everything he did and everything I said to him when I fired him, I realized how sorry the whole situation was.

When I looked back at this from the perspective of all that I know about the Law of Attraction, I had a bit of an epiphany which feels like it may help solve my dilemma. I see, now, that there was no way, given that I felt lower than ever before in my entire life, at the time I hired him, that it could have turned out to be anything but a disaster. Looking at it from this perspective also tells me that if it hadn't been him, it would have been someone else equally as dastardly, so blaming him is pointless. In fact, the responsibility of all of it, is mine.  The attraction of the whole crappy situation came from my vibrational output.  The Universe matched me up with someone who's vibrations were as sad as my own.

In discussing this with myself, I wrote, "It happened, it's over, leave it behind and move on."

Hopefully, this feeling of relief is the beginning of forgiveness, the beginning of letting it go.


By the way, the pictures I chose for this post are just a few of the much loved and appreciated blessings in my life.












6 comments:

  1. GREAT post!
    You are an inspiration.
    God Bless!
    PamT

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Pam! You are an inspiration to me, too!

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  2. Each time I read from your posts it's as if you are speaking directly to me. Thank you Paula. Awesome as always.

    Jacki

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! and thanks for commenting.

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  3. Great post. He showed up as a little reminder. There's no other reason he should've been there.

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  4. exactly, a reminder that I needed to tend to it. Thanks, Tina.

    ReplyDelete